What follows are some thoughts about my first year teaching 6th/8th
grade math. There are so many images and emotions associated with this.
Teaching (specifically math) is/was something I thought I would be good at. Part of me says I failed. Part of me says I learned something. I
taught computers in the Peace Corps. I thought I did a good job. Is teaching math any different? Why yes! There is a big difference
between teaching about computers, and teaching math. Teaching math is hard; learning math is hard.
Teaching math at a low-income rural school is harder--at least that is my experience.
I was a 6th grade (and one period of 8th grade algebra) math
teacher at a small rural middle school in Washington state during the first
four months of the 2018-2019 school year. I was removed in January 2019 because
I could not handle the behavior in my classroom.
I have experienced/observed a sharp difference in attitudes,
approaches, and amount of effort required between assistants and teachers. The amount of mental processing is much different. The job description is different. The amount of talking a teacher does is much different compared to an assistant. I
have watched a teacher suddenly send two slow-start students to the office who
were doing their usual--being slow at starting. I have heard teachers who yell
at their students. I have been told I was not demonstrative enough in class. No
one has ever told me this before. Before teaching, I had read and heard it is
good for a teacher to not show emotion in a classroom situation. So I attempted to not show
emotion. Maybe I do need emotion.
I have experienced and observed that being a teacher
includes a lot of stuff/activities other than the actual teaching part. Maybe
that is one of the reasons I did so poorly at classroom management--I was trying
too hard to keep the other moving parts together. My principal actually said to
me during one of our last meetings, "Do you think that the other parts
(the non teaching parts) got in the way?" I have to agree to some degree. I
was trying to teach at a higher level of mathematical "rigor" than I
was taught--which I found to be very challenging to do well. I wanted to give
the students the best math instruction I had. I found a new-fangled context-based
curriculum (math based on story problems, more words than math). I think it
threw everyone, students, other teachers, and admins for a loop. It was a good
attempt, but in the end, we went back to the good old textbook.
She also said, "You should look into teaching at a
'higher' school?" What's that supposed to mean? I want(ed) to teach at a
low-income public school, a school that has to accept all students. The good
and well-behaved, the bored, the special education, and the ones who will end
up in jail unless someone (like a teacher) intercepts their trajectory and
teaches them a better way of functioning in society. Towards the end of my
teaching time the school also hired a "math coach." He would only
help me with math activities and curriculum things, not behaviors. The school
was supposed to help me with the behavior. I had been told along my journey
that it was not a "good idea" to tell the admins that I needed help
with behavior. Teachers are supposed to "take care" of that kind of
stuff, right? Well, I needed help. Almost daily I sent a student to the office
who was disrespectful. They were back in my classroom in five minutes. That
was difficult.
I don't know if I will ever teach again--at least in front
of a traditional classroom. I feel like I have experienced a very small slice
of the teaching environment. I like working with students in small groups and
one-on-one. I think it allows for more personalized and specific instruction
because I'm learning that every student thinks differently about a math idea or
concept. I find that very interesting. It is how my masters thesis started out:
How to increase the processing power of a math student.
I guess really I'm dismayed that the "math
teaching" situation is still pretty much the same as when I was a student
in school--a large heavy textbook, "covering" many items quickly.
Since my public school time, I have learned that math can be so much more than
that, which can lead a young person to see math as patterns and connections
that really can be beautiful, not boring stuff to hate and always struggle
with. I came out of graduate school with renewed optimism. I read about recent
research of how to teach math that leads to a deeper understanding and ways to
actually make it fun. I start work at a small low-income rural public school,
trying some of those methods. Pop!...goes part of my bubble of idealism. Silly
me, thinking I could go against the tide
of inertia.
Anyone who has watched or experienced a flood of any magnitude
knows how powerful nature can be. Graduate school does not prepare someone for
the realities of the classroom, We did not talk about classroom management. I
guess that is what the student teaching is for? I student taught in a high
school. I was attempting to be a teacher in a middle school. I sense a bit of
misconnect? I also feel a bit ashamed at not being able to "make it
work". I like to be successful and I believe I worked very hard during my
short time as a teacher. I think I put more effort into the curriculum than I
did into the behavior management--it should have been more balanced.
I taught at the highest level I knew how: group work, story problems, and what my students complained most about--student talk. They said, "Mr. Crichton, we never had to talk this much last year." I wanted my students to talk in class, to answer questions verbally, to pose their own questions to each other and to the whole class, and to make comments about the math they did and other students did.
I believe my 8th grade algebra students could handle it. My 6th grade students bounced. I think it was too big of a change for them. I didn't realize or wasn't aware that students had grown up learning math by sitting quietly listening to a teacher, and then doing exercises out of a book.
I wanted a mentor or coach to show me some effective behavior management techniques for my high fliers/ repeat offenders. I wanted a coach /mentor to explain how much to "pull back" on the amount of mathematical rigor I have in my classroom. (academic hard asses, as one teacher put it).
I think that there has to be a better way. Or will students
always be doomed to dread opening the huge textbook?
So for now, I am a math assistant at the small rural public
school. A position that I found out is rather unique. I emailed principals at
area high schools, asking if they had a "math assistant" position.
Not one principal said yes. It was not in their budgets, but it would be a good
idea. I think it is a needed position because when a teacher has 25, 30, 35
students to worry about, the student who may be struggling will most likely not
seek out extra help because they think it would not help or they are shy or
they have tried asking for help in the past and it was a bad outcome. Eventually
they fall through the "cracks". I'm appreciative for my experience. I
think I learned a fair bit. If I ever had the chance to teach again, I would
approach it differently. I know that I may not be as consistent as I should be in a classroom. I should also work on being more "strict".
I would most like to work for a principal that has been in the Peace Corps--someone who has that worldview and experience. I don't know how to proceed. My assumption is that since I'm not formally teaching right now, and I could not handle the behavior at one school, I will never be a "teacher" again. I do want to try again. I want to find a school where I am a good "fit". Does that mean a bigger urban school? A high school? Lots of unknowns.
Hope you have enjoyed reading some of my inner
thoughts that I don't say out loud.
